The year 2008 will always be a dark year for us. What ever happens to us as a family in the future, we will always look back to this year as when lost one of our own.
Nicholas’s death has changed all of us in so many ways. When you react to the loss of a child, you can do so in several ways. You can rage against it for the rest of your life, you could try to forget that it ever happened or you can lapse into a sense of passivity, that no matter what you do, fate is always conspiring against you so why even bother doing anything. So things are never taken care of and end up falling behind on them.
For us, it has been one of those reactions at some point or another since April. There are times when we think we have accepted and mentally moved on but we find out soon enough that we never really did. In many ways, it is like taking two steps forward and then two back.
You would think that time would be the ultimate salve for us. It has been 8 months since that day yet the events of that terrible day remain fresh in our memories, seared in a way that few things ever have in our lifetimes. We are not allowed to forget what happened to us though not that we should ever forget it. But we are not allowed to forget the pain either. It is like a video stuck on an never ending loop. We keep replaying the same scenes over in our mind with the same intensity of feelings as they were on that day.
All in all, it has been endlessly draining on us emotionally, mentally and physically. I think that the ailments that afflict me now are no doubt related to the stress of that day and the aftermath. We either sleep a lot or hardly ever at all; the result is the same. We always feel tired.
At some point, though, we have to stop being afraid. Stop being afraid of this happening to us again. Stop being afraid of the future. It will not be all doom and gloom. There are happier moments ahead of us, moments that will allow us to heal just a little bit more.
We have had many happy moments during this year. My parents’ lengthy visit this spring was a balm for us. In times like these, it is good to have family around.
As always, Madeleine proved to be a continual source of joy for us. Her love of life and being just a child has given us much happiness.
We did a lot of neat things as a family: our mountain trip this autumn was great as we saw more of the Blue Ridge mountains than we ever did before. We went to our first Christmas parade as a family. So many good things did happen for us when we start thinking about it.
Yet, there was a measure of Triumph this year. The election of Barack Obama as President signals a change for the future and a clean break from the policies of the past eight years. This year, I found myself as heavily engaged in the election process as I have never been before. From the beginning of the primary season to the election night, I constantly monitored the ebbs and flows of the campaign. I also kept a keen eye on the other races for Senate, Congress and the state governor. In the end, it all turned out as well as I could expect it to be.
Now with a troubled economy at hand and oversea conflicts unresolved, we need a leader that who will be engaged in the running the affairs of the nation unlike the current president who seems to have checked out on his responsibilities for the past six months or so. Obama’s election represent the triumph of hope over fear. What he does with his mandate remains to be seen especially considering the enormity of the tasks ahead of him but knowing what he has put into place already with his transition teams, we all have confidence that the right decisions will be made and hopefully by this time next year, things will be starting to get better.
For 2009, I hope for a better year for us as we have been hurt immensely this past year. I have guarded confidence that things will be looking up for us in many ways for us.
Know Hope.
These are what I consider to be the best photography of people I have taken this year. Some of the photos stress technique, others style, others for their emotional impact. Each in their own way are very personal to me especially many of them feature Madeleine as the central subject.
Mourning Nicholas
This was taken a few days after we lost Nicholas. The blue nightgown Andrea is holding is the only physical connection we have of him as he wore it for the short time we had with him.
Madeleine Running towards me
How you can convey the joy and energy of child within the confines of a photograph? I have always found it difficult to capture Madeleine at her energetic best. I am always a heartbeat behind getting that perfect photo of her but I think that this one comes the closest to capturing on who Madeleine is really like.
Dancers waiting their turn
The pageantry of Irish step dancers always fascinates me. This shot of the dancers waiting to enter the stage captures their beautiful regalia as well as the variety of emotions that each of them are thinking as they await the call to take to the stage.
Dancing with Flame
Taken at the downtown Gallery Hop, these street performers put on a magnificent show as they juggled and danced with flames on a variety of items. Bewitching to say the least.
Holding On
A technique shot where I pan the camera in tandem with the motion of the ride to capture its speed and motion effect.
Feel the Sun
A most glorious shot of summertime and being a child.
All Smiles
Mackenzie in the pool, showing her smile.
Madeleine at Rest
Perhaps my most professional looking photograph of Madeleine.
Andrea Smiles
Andrea, natural as can be. This shot was my attempt at a high key type of photograph, a technique where highlights are emphasized over detail.
On the balcony
One of my all time favorites and demonstrates that being in a place at the right time can get some amazing shots. Roy Wilson of the Buzzards plays it up on the balcony. This was an awesome moment as Roy left the stage , went to the building opposite, went up the stairs and started playing to the crowd below the balcony. While this was happening, the mud wrestling continued on and then the fire eater came out. You had to be there to experience it.
Strike a Pose
I have taken quite a few pictures of striking women this year. More than I recall from any other time I have taken photos. Many of them, especially from the Heavy Rebel Weekender series, have drew view counts but this one strikes me as the best of the lot as the photograph displays the elegance and precision of her pose during her belly dancing routine.
Waiting for Lucy to return
These are what I consider to be the best photography of landscapes, objects and events I have taken this year. With these sort of photos, I tend to stress deliberate technique to maximise colour and detail.
A snowy backyard
As a photo, this is unremarkable but what is important here is the moment. We received a few inches of snow over night, the only snow we saw for the winter, and the children just loved it.
Detail of the lamp – helicopter
I used a bokeh technique on this shot to give it a dreamy feel to it.
De Soto Front View
One of the many photos of cars I took at the Heavy Rebel Weekender car show.
A beautiful green Woodie
One of the many photos of cars I took at the Heavy Rebel Weekender car show.
Triumph Cycles
This photograph won me the 5th place prize at the Dixie Classic Fair’s photography contest.
Releasing balloons in memory of the children we lost
The release of white balloons, each one signifying a child that was lost prior to or at birth, at the Heartstrings remembrance ceremony.
Julian Price Lake
Taken in the Blue Ridge Mountains.
Stream at Linville Falls
Taken in the Blue Ridge Mountains.
Enjoying a beautiful fall day
Plenty of Silk
An excellent shot showing plenty of colour in a very dramatic sort of way.
A sky filled with balloons
There are very few expressions of pure joy and fun than what world traveler, Matt Harding, has done through his dancing videos, Where the Hell is Matt?
The latest one is particularly noteworthy as he traveled to more places than ever before but this time he has company. In many cases, it is just local children but for many locations he is joined by people who saw his first video and wanted to participate in the fun.
It is just pure fun to watch and in these troubled times, something like this is like a tonic for the spirit.
There is a HD version that is much better to watch.
The song for the soundtrack is ‘Praan’ and can be downloaded from Amazon or iTunes.
This past weekend saw the wrap up of this year’s edition of our company’s fantasy football league. Congrats to Jen for winning the big prize which included money this year.
For my part, I did not do too badly. I started off slow due to some poor picks in my draft. But as the season progressed and as new stars started to make themselves known, I was able to put together rosters that were exceptionally strong. In the end, though, I came up short of reaching the playoffs.
Sometimes, though, I wonder if playing fantasy football (this is my second year of doing so) sort of diminished my appreciation of the professional game. While the games went on during Sunday afternoons, I scarcely watched them but instead following them on the computer to see how my team was performing and how other players in the leagues were performing. In essence, I did not care how any one team did during the game or even for the season but rather how that one player on that team managed to performed for my team. That lead to some situations on various weekends where I had to configure lineups to avoid competing against myself like if my St. Louis defence was playing against my Chicago QB and wide receiver because Chicago and St. Louis were playing against each other for real. Then there are situations where I played a player like my Baltimore QB because the team I was playing that week in the fantasy league had two Baltimore receivers; if my QB did well, then those receivers did well which for points was a bad thing. Finally there were situations where I rooting for certain things to happen like I needed the Buffalo kicker to miss the game winning field goal because if he made it, I would have lost the game.
In the end, I was getting to be a touch obessive with the whole thing.
So as we move into the final week of play in the NFL, I can sit back and enjoy the games for what they are, not because of what impact they may have on my fantasy league. I can enjoy the games like I enjoy the college football games on Saturday where I did have no fantasy teams involved.
And that is a good thing.
Last night, I took the family around Winston-Salem to view the variety of light displays people have put up for their homes. Some Christmas displays were relatively conservative with icicle type lights hanging from their eaves. Perhaps they have reindeer in the front yard or they had inflatable Christmas icons like Santa or Frosty the Snowman seem to be popular this year.
Then there are those who think Christmas is the time to indulge their inner Las Vegas stage show designer.
I have seen homes lit up with so many lights that street lighting is redundant. I have seen homes that crowd their front lawns with everything under the sun: lights, inflatables, nativity scenes and so much more. A bit too much.
Yet there were two homes or drives that stood out for me. Both were along Jonestown Road. The first is on Lazyboy Lane. From the road, you can see a series of arches wrapped in lights to give the effect of a tunnel or path. As you drive along the one lane road, you will see a series of lighted displays. Some were obviously store bought but there are others that showed the creativity of the people along the street as they wrapped lights in a variety of poses to show a candle or a cross. Some of the trees had their entire branch structure traced with lights to a lovely effect. In a way, it was like driving through a neighbourhood version of Tanglewood Park’s Christmas Light Display.
The other location is up the road a bit off at Hazelwood Drive which is just off Crestwood Drive. This is a home where the owner went all out. They set up a light show synchronized to music which you can listen to on your FM radio. It was simply amazing. Very well done especially when you realised that many of the displays had multiple lights on them for different colours and effects. There are also a menagerie of inflatable of every kind in the back yard but they seem more of an add on to the show rather than enhancing it. One wonders what this light show as well as the increased traffic has on the neighbours. But I guess for 2-3 weeks of the years, everyone is willing to put up with it just to see the show themselves.
As for us, we fall into the conservative camp though not for lack of prompting from the kids. Never decorate our home before for Christmas on the outside. But since this is our first Christmas in a home that we can truly call our own, we decide to do something.
We have a classic home facade. No porches, no balconies, very flat with windows with shutters on the sides. So like many others in our neighbourhood with similar homes, we have a hand made wreath on the front door, candles for each of the windows facing the street and our conical hedges wrapped in light nets. Very formal and elegant. Next year, when I can get a tall enough ladder, I may put small wreaths on the windows along with the candles. I doubt I will do much more than that. Being loud and over the top is just not me. I prefer to concentrate my efforts on the inside of the home where I can enjoy it in comfort.